Not As Easy As It Seems
by Don'tMessWithAFangirl
Summary: Gilbert had promised me that I would never feel that pain again, but he lied. Angsty PruCan, rated T for suicidal references...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

**I SHOULD be working on Family Day... but I have absolutely no wish to. Sooooo...**

**Here's a PruCan.**

**ENJOY!**

I always thought I would forever be invisible. I was unnoticed at meetings, I never dared to speak up. My twin, Alfred, would intimidate me without knowing it, and even though he tried to remember, I was always alone on my birthday. Even my bear, Kuma, would forget my name, though to be fair I could never remember the second part of his.

Then, one day, Germany brought his older brother to a meeting. He was rude, obnoxious, self-centered, and the complete opposite from his organized younger brother. His name was Prussia, and the first thing he did when he came in the room is look around and say: "Who wants to get the awesome me a chair? Blondie?" No one knew what he was talking about, but they turned to try to find who he had been looking at. For once in my life, the entire room was looking at me, all because of Gilbert.

He appeared to be a jerk at first, always refering to himself as 'awesome' and asking me for stuff. Then one day, after a meeting, he asked me to grab a drink with him. No one except my brother had ever done that, and Alfred hadn't done it since the 1960's. I was intregued and enthralled, all at the same time.

At the bar, we had beer and he asked me why no one looked at me during the meetings. When I explained my invisibility problem, he looked right in my eyes and told me: "I will never forget you."

And he kept his promise. Every week, after the meeting, he would ask to get drinks with me and we would talk, always on the same stools at the same bar. I learned that he knew what it was like to be forgotten; he was an ex-nation after all. He learned that I had once tried to kill myself. But killing an entire nation is not as easy as it seems. On that day, he took my face in his hands and he kissed me. When we broke apart, he said to me: "You will never feel that pain again. It is SO un-awesome."

He promised me that I would never feel that abandonment, that I would never be alone or forgotten, but he was wrong. Because on _that_ day, the day I promised myself I would never think of again, I felt it all. I felt it all so strongly that I nearly keeled over right then. But killing an entire nation is not as easy as it seems.

**That came out WAY angsty-er than I wanted it to be...**

**You know in those Laundry Detergent commercials, where the people are frolicking in the sheets and wrapping them around themselves, and generally rolling around merrily in the sheets with no sexual innuendo?**

**Well I did that yesterday because my mom was going to be late from work and she asked me to take care of my own sheets, and so I took them out of the dryer, and I was going to put them on the bed, but they were all warm and soft and so I frolicked in them first and it was a lot of fun! And for those of you adding sexual innuendo to this: Fuck you.**

**SOOOO...**

**bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**Okay, so I wasn't going to make this a twoshot... but this awesome person named koder gave me the idea, because she wanted to know what happened next... So Imma wing it. **

**Enjoy!**

I promised him. I promised him he would never feel alone again, that he would never have to deal with such emptiness. But I failed him. I left.

Watching the news, I mentally kicked myself in the balls. It was so unawesome, what I did to him. I was so unawesome. The reporter talked of massive natural disasters in Canada, and a little research online showed that the suicide rates in Canadian cities were rising **[This is a made up fact, folks. I don't know one fact about suicide rates ANYWHERE.]** I felt like crying, but I don't cry. Ever.

I don't even remember what made me leave. It was a fight, but it was so stupid that I couldn't even remember what it was about. We weren't happy anymore, so I fled.

I couldn't get the image of his face of my head, the expression on it when he left. He looked... broken. And I had done that to him. I had broken the love of my life. Sitting in my unawesome apartment, I wondered what I was dong with my unawesome life. Then it hit me.

I had no life. I hadn't had one since I left him. He _was_ my life, and now he wanted to end his.

"Mattie..." I murmered his name, a tear trickling down my face. I couldn't let him ruin his life. I couldn't be the reason for...

I jumped to my feet. I NEEDED to do something. Rushing out the door, I didn't even grab my coat. I hailed a cab and ordered him to go to the World Meeting. The driver looked at me like I was an idiot, but he complied. As I arrived, I thrust money into the cabdriver's hand and ran out. The receptionist knew me, and let me right in.

I burst in the doors, and for a moment, everything was frozen. Every country was staring straight at me, silent, and I was staring right back. I must have looked like a maniac, with my hair sticking up and my pajamas still on.

"Gilbert!" My brother was the first to unfreeze as I scanned the room for **him**. He wasn't there.

"Alfred!" I ignored my brother, instead rushing to the side of **his** brother. "Alfred, where is he." The mad intensity must have been apparent in my eyes as they bored into his. Even a thick-headed hamburger eater could understand what I meant.

"He's at home." Alfred was clearly angry at me, aware that I was the reason his brother was not alright. "But you lost the right to speak with him LONG ago, bastard!" One of the Italian twins muttered something like 'that's MY word' , but the other twin calmed him down. I ignored them both, instead sinking to my knees in front of the entire room.

"I know." I tried to resist crying, but I was barely keeping from choking on my own sobs. "Don't you think I KNOW THAT?" I was bordering on insane at that point. I only wanted to make things right! I only wanted Mattie to be happy again!

"Bruder..." Ludwig stepped forward and helped me to my feet. "Everone, commence without me. I will not be back today. Will someone please take notes for me?" When he got someone other that absent-minded Feli to agree to take notes, he practically carried me outside. "Bruder. What is going on?"

"Mattie... Have you seen the news? Increased suicide rates, massive natural disasters?" I was numb, reliving the night I left over and over again. The look on his face when I turned away from him...

"Go to him, Bruder." Ludwig's face was closed, but I knew he was trying to give his best advice. "He needs you. You need him too."

"I'll go now." I stopped leaning on my brother and stood tall, gathering myself once more. "I'll go now! THANKS FOR THE AWESOME ADVICE, LITTLE BRUDER!" I called to him over my shoulder as I ran out and caught another cab, directing the driver to go to the airport. On the way there, I got a ticket by phone, thanking god that almost no one else had decided to go to Canada that night.

I raced through security, my mind blank and my body half-numb. I got to the gate just in time to bord. During the flight, I freaked out inside, trying to plan how I would do... what ever it was I was doing. I knew I couldn't just show up and say: "Hi. Just wanted to see you... Take me back?" Because no one in his right mind would take back someone as unawesome and undeserving as I was. The plane ride bacame a blur, as I let my mind slip away and my body complete its numbing process.

As I arrived in Canada, I felt my stomach churn and pulverize itself. I had no baggage, not even a coat, so I flew through security, my stomach getting worse and worse. By the time I caught a cab, it felt like my body was ready to commit mutiny.

The cab ride was silent and tense as we drove to Matthew's house. It was dark out, and so cold my teeth were audibly chattering. The driver dropped me off in the front of the house, and I paid him before stepping out of the car. He left, and I mounted the stairs of Mattie's sizable house.

Knocking on the door seemed like the best thing to do, so I did it. A moment later, **he** opened the door. He looked terrible, with bags under his eyes and an old, ripped bathrobe wrapped around his body.

"Hello." He said, looking unsure of what to do. "What are you doing here?"

"I..." I tried to explain, but even I wasn't so sure what the answer to that question was. "I don't even fucking know. I just... I had a breakdown, and I was so UNAWESOME! I WAS SO FUCKING UNAWESOME, doing that to you! I don't even remember what that fight was about! I promised!" By this time, I was almost pleading with him, staring to his eyes with a look that would have been intense, but it was too broken, too full of despair. "I promised you... and I failed! I fucking failed!" Sinking to my knees like I had done at the World Meeting, I looked at my hands, not wanting to meet his eyes any longer. "And I made you feel such horrible pain! Pain that I had promised I would never let you feel again..." I was fully crying by now, shaking uncontrollably and sobbing so hard that I couldn't speak any longer. I was bowing at his feet, begging him, not for forgivness, but for the only thing I had ever wanted in this world, begging him to be happy. To mave on, forget me, and live a happy life.

"Gilbert." At the choked response, I realized for the first time that he was crying too. "Gil..." He sunk down to him knees as well, so that we were at eye level once more. "Do you know how LONG I have waited?" Confused, Gilbert looked up to meet his love's eyes, only to see great joy. "You have so much to apologize for..."

"I know. That's why-" Gilbert tried to explain but was cut off.

"Idiot." Mattew reached out for Gil's hand. "You have to apologize for breaking promises, leaving me in misery... but most of all, you better fucking apologize for making me think you hated me."

"I'm so so so so sorry!" Gilbert tried to express his apologetic feelings, but Matthew silenced him once again.

"Gilbert. For the first time in history, you called yourself unawesome. I didn't think it was possible!" Matthew helped him up and they rose to stand once more. "Liz would tell me to make you beg more, and Al would tell me to shoot you... but I love you too fucking much, and I am NOT losing you again. So would you like to come in for some cookies?" Gilbert was dazed; he had been sure that Matthew would never take him back.

"But, Birdie-" He tried to get an answer out of the blonde, but his lips were suddenly otherwise occupied.

"I'm not going to make you promise not to leave me again." Matthew continued after he broke the kiss. "I know now that promises can be broken. But maybe knowing is enough. Maybe believing, and having this experience, can add up to a successful second try."

"You can bet that there is no way in heaven, in hell or on this fucking earth I would ever do the same, stupid, unawesome thing that I did that night ever EVER again." Gilbert's eyes were once again intense. The broken despair in them was gone, swept away by the Canadian's kiss. He followed his love inside, ready for some awesome cookies, and a second chance. He couldn't decide which one would be sweeter.

**AWWWWW! Well that was unexpected...**

**Did I do that justice, or ruin it? I feel like this was some crappy rushed duct-tape ending that FAILED at being dramatic, but it's your call... PLEASE tell me how I did!**


End file.
